Some People All the Time.. Humour

Major Desai retired from the army and returned to his hometown. Many people wondered with the kind of network he claimed to have and the heroism in the wars that he boasted about why he did not go further up at least to be a brigadier. As per him he had got bored of being in the army and hence he decided to quit and be back where he belonged. Of course there are few skeptics who raise their eyebrows on this claim. Maybe they are just jealous of his charm and popularity; especially with the Municipal commissioner and the local Sub Inspector who are his drinking buddies.

In the second month after he returned home, his neighbor came and asked him whether he had any way to find out the results of the soldier selection in Indian Army, Neighbor’s son had appeared for the selection. Major Desai remembered that one of his old buddies Havildar Sharma from the army may be able to find out about the results. Havildar Sharma helped him and gave him list of all the five young lads who qualified from Major Desai’s home town. Major promptly informed all the five families and they were all impressed by the ‘connects’ Major Desai had. Now for the whole town Desai became Major Saab.

In the next selection season many parents approached Major Saab in advance to seek help for their lads. He offered to help on two conditions. He will first evaluate these lads as he would not like to recommend nincompoops to the Army. He should be given Rs 1 lac in advance for each lad who passes his evaluation. The money was not for him; but to make some in the selection committee happy! But he promised that he would return the money of those who do not get selected.

He interviewed about 30 lads and agreed to recommend for 10. When the selection team came to town he was there at the ground where physical examination was being held. He walked up to Captain who was the team leader shook hands and introduced himself. They had few army jokes to share. Major Saab of course knew by name many a colonels and brigadier’s who were his ‘batch mates’. Capt was impressed. The lads from his town saw Major Saab pointing his hands in their direction and were convinced that he had put in a word to the captain. Actually, Major Saab was describing the story about the temple that was behind the ground in the same direction as the prospective soldiers were standing. After these pleasantries Major Saab returned home.

When the selection process was completed, Havildar Sharma informed Major Saab in advance, before the results were announced, about the outcome. Seven lads from his town were selected. Out of these, five were from the lot who paid him. He met the parents of the other two and told them that they would not be selected unless some action is taken immediately. He asked for Rs 2 lac for each with the promise that he would return the money if they were not selected. Of course they were selected Five out of the original 10 who had paid him were also selected. Major Saab was a gentleman. He returned 1 lac to all the five who did not get selected. He made sure that every other person in the town knew about what he did for the lads of the town. Municipal commissioner arranged a felicitation ceremony in his honor.

Major Saab is not an exception.We come across some in all walks of life. When the stakes are high very often Major Saabs appear to manage a lead. Most of us have a small Major Saab hiding in us too, though we feel ashamed to let him loose. But then it is for us to choose! 


Shame is like everything else; live with it for long enough and it becomes part of the furniture. SALMAN RUSHDIE,

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